HOG BASHED!
In a surprising turn of events on Friday afternoon, local resident who thinks he's John Snow (but he's not) drank a single Smirnoff Ice and wrecked his quad. Eyewitness reports confirmed that HE'S NOT THAT GUY. "He wanted it to be one way... but it's the other way," commented a shaken observer.
People are saying HE'S DONE!
The man pictured (above) is in the ICU recovering from the near-fatal quad accident. Our local reporter visited the hospital, and after speaking with the staff, all we can report is that they kept saying over and over that "HE'S DONE!"